Tomorrow, Ottumwa

When my grandmother died this summer, I didn't really write much about it at the time and neither did I have much to say about it.  That's not to say that I was at a loss for words though, but rather, just waiting for the right time to use them.

I think that, far too often, we allow the pain of loss to stretch out past reasonable grief and we, as families and groups, construct shrines of sorrow, as opposed to shrines of memory.  What a pity.

Life is transitory and that's what makes it so worth living.  If life were unending--if we were undying--how would a moment carry value?  If we would have an infinite number of them, there would be no cause to value the second or the minute.  The moment would be a currency with no demand and so, no value.

The quality of life that makes it precious is death itself!

When a person we love dies, we should not shroud their life in silence or infrequent mention at family functions where people ask how you are after their death.

I'm fine with my grandmother having died.

I am crying right now thinking about her, but that's not grief or sorrow or pain, but pride.

My grandmother, in her late 60's, decided that a boy, kicked out of his home on Thanksgiving Eve deserved a home and respect.  I was not out to my grandfather at the time and when she heard about my friend Josh, she told my grandfather that I was gay.  She told him about Josh's situation and she asked him if he would like to invite my friend Josh to live with them in their home.

My mother was unwilling to stand up to her then boyfriend and now husband when he displayed extreme and violent homophobia towards her own son. It was a situation where my grandparents could do little to help me.  To show me my value as a person who is gay they showed me the value of all people and took Josh Hurley into their home.

Josh made it very easy on them to be kind and they adored him.  They gave him what they could, fed him and even gave him a ride to school most mornings and asked for nothing in return.

I have told this story often I feel, but my grandmother and grandfather don't deserve silence, they deserve for people to be deafened with this story.

Relatively old, reared in socially conservative climates, these grandparents of mine realized what their contribution to one life could symbolize for more than just the one that stood to benefit from it practically--by supporting Josh, they supported me and they cauterized all of my wounds from my battles in Ottumwa, making me damned near invincible.  I am often told I try to fight every battle and win. 

It is important to note, I think, that eventually, I will win them all in some way.

How much have you done?  How much will you do?  Will you do anywhere near as much as they did for people in need?

Kids live on streets, kids die, kids are taught that they have no value, kids are left without access to education, social services and the potential economic security that might otherwise be afforded them by their families because of their sexual orientation.  Kids are taught that if they want a family, then they will not be protected by their government in doing so.  Kids are taught that if they want a job, they will have one without the protection of their government.

The current status of gay people in our country is not just.  Our status is in no way acceptable.

If you aren't fighting, tooth and nail for every last drop of freedom and equality for lesbian and gay people, then know this: you are substantially deficient in your standing as a person I want to know.

If you do not fight against the injustices against your fellow citizens, you tacitly approve of it and you are an instrument in the fight against my civil liberties and my family to come.

Comments

[Jeremy]

I sometimes meander around the web, checking up on my friend's websites. Tonight, I stopped dead in my tracks when I read your post.

It is sad that the world that we live in is so closedminded and that one's own parents would abandon one for his/her sexual orientation.

You are a fighter -- and are adorable -- and deserve much better than what you have experienced.

Thanks for the post, it got me thinking about some things.

~Jer